Tis the season...

I saw a sign at my gym yesterday that said, "tis the season to get chubby, fa la la la la, la la la la..." and this sign does not lie. People have been bringing in home made goods to the office every day straight since Halloween. Although my gym regiment has stayed the same, my eating habits have clearly taken a turn for the worse. I am not suggesting that I go on a New Year's resolution to diet- rather, I am going on a New Years resolution to have self control from the yummy goodies my office puts out.

But that is not the point of this post. The reason I have been so absent is because I had a very exciting weekend. I had a boy visitor come this weekend who I have grown quite fond of. This is not a boy from New York, nor a new boy to my life- just someone who has come back into my life since homecoming and really impacted me for the better and has opened up my eyes.

To give you a little background, I brought him to my sorority formal this past spring- we did not really know each other that well, but bringing him rounded out our group and him and I happened to really hit it off. To end my formal experience- he did a good job at making it memorable and the best one out of them all.

We had quite a thing going on at the end of the school year- not sure what kind of label to put on it, but we were having a blast. He took me rock climbing- the perfect date to take me on....and then graduation came. Some little mishaps here and there and eventually stopped talking. Life in separate places kind of got in the way and being away from each other for so long with no clear path in the future made things hard. But once we saw each other at homecoming and had a little chat about life... it was like we never left.

Ever since homecoming, we have spoke every day and the he came to visit. While he was here, I can honestly say that I was truly happy. We went to Friday night dinner with the little crew my friends and I have put together, went to see Wicked on Saturday night followed by the bar scene with some friends, wandered around 5th avenue and had the best sushi ever Sunday night. Then Monday came and he left. But the rest of the time when there was no real activity, we walked around, talked, joked and just enjoyed each others company. He makes me laugh and does not care that I am a little weird and goofy- which is nice.

Typically, I have been the kind of girl to not open my self up- really not let me self seem vulnerable, because if I stayed closed, there was no room for getting hurt. There has been a shield up my entire life. But right now, at this junction of my life, that armor is slowly coming down and to be honest, I am scared shitless and so happy all at the same time. Who knows where this little adventure will go, but I can tell you this, its going to be another interesting ride....

Here is my real New Years resolution: even when time get tight, I will write more. I swear.

Peace, Love and putting the armor away... slowly,

B

5 years

I went out to lunch with a friend from high school this week. He is not someone I went to school with- but we went to youth group summer programs together 2 summers in a row. We were pretty good friends for awhile after- send e-mails back and fourth but never actually seeing each other. As more time passed and I went to college, we lost touch completely. The dissolving of out friendship was no ones fault other than time.

I hadn't though about him probably since Sophomore year of college- until last week when he wrote on my Facebook wall. I couldn't believe it! He was in New York visiting and wanted to get together. Right before he came to my office for lunch, no lie, I was a little nervous. What if him and I had nothing in common other than those two summers at camp? What if we had things to talk about for the first 30 seconds of our meal, and then nothing but silence and awkwardness?

I very rarely get nervous or anxiety about social situations- but for some reason, my nerves were shot. But luckily, there was nothing to worry about! We had a great lunch, talked about the summers at camp and then the rest of our lives- what has been going in our lives over the past 5 years- and how we both couldn't believe it has been 5 years already.

Lunch was overall great, we caught up and who knows the next time I will actually see him in the flesh, but our little date got me thinking: Is this what happens in real life, just one day, I will turn around and can't figure out how I got where I am at? No idea where the time has gone or how it slipped away? Even now I cannot believe how it has almost been 9 months since graduating college- since I left the womb of Bloomington, Indiana to the harsh reality of the real world.

I guess the real question is... where does it go, Time?

Questions of the universe...

Peace, love, and Old Friends,

B

Smiles

Yesterday, I made the usual mecca into Manhattan. Since the trains comes less frequently on Saturday and Sunday's- the car was a little more packed than usual. I was smushed between two quite large middle eastern men and staring directly at their family- complete with mom, dad, both sets of grandparents, two kids around 10 which I assumed were cousins and a small child in a stroller who was no more than 3. As always, I surveyed the train and gave a quick smile to whoever I happened to make eye contact with. I like to smile because I have learned that a small smile can turn someones day around.

Whenever I receive a smile from someone, my mood instantly changes for that split second- and possibly for the whole day. The act of smiling (in my eyes) is a form of paying it forward- passing along a little hope to the next person and so on- to where maybe the whole chain will be smiling and someones life will be affected by just one smile. Its like a butterfly effect- where if a butterfly flaps its wings in china, that little wind will create a tidal wave.

But back to the E train...

I made contact with the 3 year old in a stroller. He was adorable in his little puff coat and hat. I waved to him and he giggled, slouched into his stroller and gave a little wave back. Seeing his adorable face giggle, I gave out a little laugh and he indicated he wanted to play. He offered his chip in his hand to me, and we played in sign language. A little peek-a-boo, he pointed to his parents and across the train to his grandparents. Our entire interaction happened with no talking- also because he spoke no English. From what I could piece together, I guessed he spoke Arabic, but then again what do I know.

Our interactions made the little boys mother smile and laugh. She looked at me and gave me a nice smile and nod of gratitude before they got off the train at Roosevelt ave. The rest of the day, I was smiling, all because of this little boy. Just by smiling and giggling, him and I opened up a whole world of communication and shaped my mood.

Maybe this is all the world needs to get along. If just one person starts smiling, maybe everyone will pass it along. It all starts on the E train. Who knows where that little boy will go or what he will do with his life, but maybe because of our smiling game, he will remember it and smile at someone else when he gets older.

Just wishful thinking about the power of a smile and fixing problems....

Lesson Learned:

pass on the smile. And maybe you'll even get a babysitting job if you play with a little kid on the subway

Peace, Love and happiness,

B

Friend dates

Last night I went on a straight up girl date. My best friend has made friends with a girl in Chicago- who's best friend lives in New York as well. The glory of modern social networking is that instead of having to track down this girls phone number- I just sent her a message on facebook and instantly she could see what friends we had in common and do a little preparing before deciding if she wanted to respond. Thankfully, I passed the facebook stalking round and her and I went out to dinner. Friend dating is a new thing I have started, just to expand my social network in this massive city and obviously to make more friends. With the ability to facebook stalk, finding friends might seem easier, but its actually the opposite, but this girl could have pre judged me before even meeting me, just by seeing my friends on facebook. Its a vicious cycle.

Our friend date went well and ended up chatting about friends we had in common and college. The night went well and we have decided to be friends. Sounds very pre-school, like when I became friends with someone because they would let me eat the crust of their sandwich.

After this little date last night, I started thinking. No matter what city I am in, I am going to have to go on these friend dates. Every city is a new pool of people- but the one thing this city does not have that home does- my family. Everyone out of college has to start over, make new- morph into new people and form to their surroundings. But one fact keeps sticking out in my mind when I think about morphing- I am a peach. I will be back there, the question is when. And when I do, Ill have to go on friend dates all over again. Its all a huge adventure.

My life is an adventure. If I could get paid to have adventures, I would and Id have an awesome TV show. Sometimes I cannot even explain why I do things that I do.... But I hope yall enjoy it. Whoever you all are...

Lesson Learned:

Friend Dates: just do them.

Peace, Love and what am I going to do with myself,

B

g &b key

There is a very, very good reason I have been absent the past week. My computer has decided to make my life difficult. Two letters on my key pad have mysteriously stopped working (misspelled for a reason, the letters wont work). So writing this week is limited. Can't really write at work...I have no idea what happened. One day they were working, and now, they just are not. 3 keys, all in a row. To actually type them, I press firmly multiple times and hopefully they work, the stress of writing without these letters is difficult. i will say, my word choices are put to the test. I feel like I am in 5th year of school and writing a paper and they tell me I cannot use some words or letters. Dancing around the letters and realizing what words just are not allowed. Thanks to spell check, some of the words with g are corrected, the rest are mostly left in the dust.

A challenge none the less. If anyone is interested in what I want for Christmas (yes, I know I'm Jewish, Haunkkah is over, and Christmas wishes are in season)- This little writer would love, love, LOVE, a mini computer, so I could really write on the run- with a key pad that works.... it'll come in my dreams- it'll come in the package with the money for my loans and the novel of answers to my life I have been searching for...

Update on my life this past week: ITS COLD. FREEZIN. INHUMANLY COLD. I look like a walkin sleepin bag. Every time I walk into my gym, the girl at the front desk reminds me how rediculous I look and Every day, I thank her and say, "but it's so colddddddd"

Alright my friends, time for me to get dressed for the day and head out into the working world. By the way, I just got so frustrated with my keyboard, I slammed my fist into it... and Now, Its semi working. Keeping my fingers crossed I fixed it, but my Christmas wishes still stand...

More blogging now, game back on.

Peace, Love and If somethings broken, hit it,

B

Shake it

What is the deal with old men, yelling out of their car windows? What sort of pleasure do they get from screaming "Hey baby" or "Oh yea" or my personal favorite, "Nice Curves"?

Today, we had the day off because our office is moving buildings and I decided to go to the gym this morning. Since the temperature is inhumanly cold, I put on under-armor, which happens to be skin tight pants and shirt with my puffy vest. Now, I do understand that my butt has gotten bigger since I moved here, and the under armor does a nice job of showing it off, but in what grade did these men learn that its ok to heckle 22 year old girls on their way to the gym. My butt hasn't gotten bigger as in fatter, just taken on a different shape due to all the walking I do. I am not complaining at all about the look, because personally, my new butt shape fits into my jeans better, but what I am complaining about is the extra attention my butt is getting from all the dirty old men who drive by. It is just not ok. Mostly,I pretend to not listen to them- pretend that my i-pod is too loud or that I just did not hear them, but not today.

Today I decided enough was enough. Today, I turned around to the cab who screamed "Shake it" and gave him an ear full. Not in a mean way, in a way that let him know there is no chance in this life time that me, or someone like me would ever, in a million years, 'shake it' for him. Needless to say, he had nothing to say back to me. Instead, he just stared at me in disbelief. The shock that a girl would defend her butt just was a little too much for his grimy, greasy self to handle. I stared at him for a few seconds with my hand on my hip, waiting for him to say something- but nothing more was said, he just drove away as fast as he cold, like a dog running away with his tail between his legs.

Lets just say that I accomplished 2 things today. I stood up for women and hopefully I scared the gross cab driver from ever screaming out his window again. Although I know that is probably not true- but I like to think it is....

Peace, Love and the new butt,

B

If you haven't read or ever heard of Maria Shriver's book, Ten Things I wish I'd Known- Before I went Out into the Real World, you should. For me to recommended a book is a huge deal. I'm not much of a reader (well, other than the trashy Danielle Steel books) and I flew through Shriver's book like it was a news paper.

Don't ask questions... Just do it.

Maybe I should write a book.... hmmmm.....

Peace, Love and reading instead of Nexflix,

B

Sleep Away Camp

In 3rd grade, my parents sent me to sleep away camp. I got very sick, bronchitis, phenomia and strep throat all in 4 weeks. Every chance I got, I would call home and beg for my parents to come and bring me home. The amount of tears that were shed in those weeks was almost humanly impossible. The feeling of just wanting to be home was the worst feeling for a 3rd grader. Till this day, never again do I want to feel like that. The feeling was comparable to having your gut ripped out, not able to catch your breath and just wanting to calm down but you cannot. I had dreams every night of just being home, being somewhere I felt comfortable.

That 3rd grader is starting to come out again. There is no where I am finding home. The feeling of being so far away, so disconnected, so helpless is starting to rise. After going home for Thanksgiving... I am starting to think that maybe, really this city is not for me. The issue is still up for debate, but how much longer am I suppose to live here? How much longer am I suppose to try and force myself to be happy? All the thoughts of moving out of my aunts house got shot down after I had an honest talk with my parents. Financially, there is no chance I can move out and really live. All the stress compiles on top of itself and on Sunday, it all boiled over into one crying mess of a mental break down.

Lesson Learned:

Maybe it takes learning what you don't want to finally see clearly what you do want....

Peace, Love and stuck in a rut,

B

Tell Me What To Do

This is just a general question for life. What are the answers? Is there some book that Indiana University forgot to give me at graduation? The book of life that has all the answers in the back. No one is suppose to look in the back, but in desperate times, consultation of the back of the book is necessary. If someone stole my copy, could you please give it back? I am in need of life answers.

I do not know what to do from here. Going home and being back in Atlanta was amazing and an eye opening trip. Sitting down and really looking at my finances, there is NO way for me to move out of my aunts house. I have obligations to our wonderful government and owe them for the education they provided for me. Although I am a little disappointed in this education, they did not prepare me for the real life. They did not prepare me for the mental break downs, the bills, the confusion, the decision making skills or anything that really matters. But this is neither here, nor there- thats another adventure to go on later in my life. I will fix this problem. I never want anyone else to feel like me- so lost and confused. There are answers and what I wish my teachers really would have told me.

But, the question still stands.... What now? Wheres my answers book?

Peace, Love and everlasting questions,

B

Options

I appologize for my absence the past week. Being in Atlanta was an eye opening experience.... But I will explain later. This is a blog I started thanksgiving day and never finished... So here we go.....

As this Thanksgiving day has been approaching- I have really been putting deep thought into what I can say that I am truly thankful for. Something short and sweet to explain everything in a nutshell.

The usual things: health, family, friends, ect. of course are things that I am always thankful for, but what has made this year different. What has separated this year from the past 22. After about a week of soul searching and hours on the treadmill thinking, I found it. The one thing that I am thankful for this year and sets every other year apart.

This year, I am thankful for options. This might sound a little off, so let me explain.

I am thankful for the fact that my entire life, I have had options. I am the one who chooses where to go, what to do and who to ultimately be. I always have had the option to let me parents into my life and I am thankful that I allowed them. My brother and I had the option to be friends and we are best friends. I had the option to go to New York after graduation and its been an adventure and a learning experience. I had the option to go wherever I wanted for college. I have the option to lead my life down whatever path I want. Not everyone has the luxury to make these decisions and to have different options.

For this Thanksgiving, I am thankful for the options in my life. Also, for the option to write this blog. Because, sometimes, I do not know what I would do without it. This white screen with my words on it has turned into my safe haven. Where no matter what I have to say, the computer never says no. I can write what ever I feel, and for this option, I am thankful.

Peace, love and many more options to come...

B

894 miles

Its funny how New York can seem like the biggest and smallest city in the world at the exact same time. Every day I walk with millions of people- bump into people I will never see again and share stares with individuals on the subway that have no direct impact on my life at this moment. Thats what makes this city so big- just the actual amount of people.

But this city is also the only place in the world where you will ever run into people. Just like that, in the middle of the street I bumped into a sorority sister I hadn't seen in 2 years- random and out of place. Well yesterday's story tops them all. I walked out of my building to get lunch and there were 3 men standing outside in Lassiter High school band jackets. I thought to myself,'thats cool, I know where that high school is.' As I was heading in a different direction, one of the man turned around and a voice that I though came from behind me... but actually came from my mouth goes, "Mr. Cole?" the man looked at me confused. I approached him and reached out my hand and said, "Hi Mr. Cole, I don't know if you remember me, but I'm Brandi Unger, you were my band teacher in middle school."

The confusion on his face went from 'who is this weird girl,' to 'oh my gosh.' The first words out of his mouth, "Bass Clarette, you tried so hard." (aka, I sucked, but I really did try hard... nothing worked to improve my skills, I just was not meant to play in the band. My nickname was 'squeeker' because no music would come out of the instrument... just squeeks). He was in town because the school is playing on Thursday in the Thanksgiving Day Parade. After a few minutes of small chit chat, we headed our separate ways. But who would have thought I would run into my middle school band teacher, the most random person- in front of my building- in New York city- 894 miles away from home.

This city is funny. Sometimes its bigger than I can handle and other times its the smallest place in the world. Just depends on the day. The same goes with my feelings with this city... it is turning into a love hare relationship.

But our relationship (our referring to me and New York) is taking a little break. We need to be separated from each other, take a breather. As exciting and fast moving as this city is, I am going back to my one true love tonight. Home. I have made sure that some of my belongings have been left here, forcing that I come back after break, but this should be interesting. Going home for the first time in 4 months... Beyond ready.

I will make sure to keep all of you in the loop of course. The next few weeks are going to be a bumpy ride... Guaranteed.

Peace, Love and who know's whats going to happen next.... or who I will run into,

B

New Challenge... Accepted

Last week was no facebook, and I have to say, my week (minus being sick) was a little better. I didn't think as much about what other people were doing- I stayed on track with my life. Check plus for me. I am going to keep the facebook stalking on limited for now on. Challenge complete.

This weeks challenge might be a little more difficult. I am going to tackle my texting. Because I cannot give up texting all together- I am going to have to take this one in small baby steps. Here's the game plan: in a group setting, my phone must stay in my pocket. Unless to make plans with someone in the same state as me, texting will be limited.

Let's see how this one goes with home on the horizon.... AKA, the south on Tuesday night!!!! It's been 4 months since I have been home and I cannot be more excited!!

Alright, Challenge has been set...

Peace, Love and Texting,

B

Bait and Switch

In college, our Realtor for senior housing was a pain in the butt. She was concerned about her house and swindling money out of poor college kids. She wine and dined us into getting a house we couldn't afford, over charged us for maintenance and took out security deposit. Even though she was a horrible human being to deal with, I have to say thank you to her for putting me through little leagues of brokers. Because now, New York city is the major leagues- dealing with people that have twice her sleezy and money stealing abilities.

This whole apartment search is going to be a tad harder than expected. I haven't felt this talked down to and degraded for being a woman since I was swindled out of $200 dollars at the car dealership. I am sure that not all brokers are greasy- but the few I have come in contact with are.

There was a listing on craigslist yesterday that looked amazing. Right in our price range, duplex- easy enough to make into a 2 bedroom, full kitchen and perfect location. It looked like a listing sent from heaven. Our names were written all over it. The second I read the ad, I called the number at the bottom. A very nice man answered and we set up an appointment at his office before going to see the place. My roommate and I arrive at his office and come to find that place does not even exist. He suckered us into coming to his office and sitting with him for an hour. He showed us places that were out of our price range and assumed that we were using mommy and daddys money. Clearly, we both are not and clearly we both are not stupid (even though he thought we were).

Is there somewhere in the job description of being a broker where it says that you have to assume all human beings are dumb and will eat up everything that you say? Does anyone know of a good broker in New York? If you do, please let us know....

Lesson Learned:

Be stern and get details from craigslist before making moves.

Peace, love and Bait and Switch,

B

Closet Space

I am so very sorry I have been absent the past few days. Apparently, not feeling well at work and throwing up at work is just not acceptable. I was sent home on Tuesday for just that reason, went to the Doctor on Wednesday and slept the day away. Feeling a little better now, but still have the remnants of whatever virus decided to take a hold of me.

BUT some very exciting news! Finally, after 4ish months, I am starting to look at apartments. This does mean that I will be living here for at least a year, but just as in grad school, there is a need to finish out the term. So- I will finish what I have started.

I have a roommate, and the funny thing about her is that we are in the EXACT same situation. She is living with her Great Aunt as well, same age and all. She is the only one who really understands where I am coming from and why I am itching to get out into a space to call my own. Her and I actually went to pre-school together, grew up together and went to high school together. We lost touch in high school- separate friend groups, but have come back together and it's going to be the perfect set up. We are hoping to be out within the month (Maybe a dream... but we are going to try- for sanity reasons).

Last night we met with a broker- and he was the reason there are stereotypes. He was just plain grimy.... We might be better off just doing this on our own, but in a city where both of us are a little inexperienced, having some help is necessary.

Our budget is a little lower than the standard of New York real estate- specifically for where we want to live. But we agreed that we would live in closets, as long as those closets are ours. Both of us do not have space to call our own and that is what maks living with family twice as hard.

So here we are at the next adventure... details to come!

Peace, Love and Closets,

B

Thanks Mark Zuckerberg

Because of my recent pledge to only go on Facebook once a day, I have solved the puzzle as to why productivity in the work place is lacking. One word: Facebook.

Today was the most productive day at work since I first started. It is not that I spend all day on facebook- it's that I am wondering what is happening on facebook, which slows my work production because my mindset is "I will work for 10 minutes straight, and then to reward myself, I'll take a quick facebook-stalking break." Same phenomium happens in college. The second you stepped into the library at Indiana University, you could see about half the students doing work, while the other half would be taking their 'facebook stalking break.'

So, I would like to make the announcement into the void: It is because of Mark Zuckerberg that not only do girls have another tool to obsess over boys with, we also have a less productive workforce. I am not saying that facebook is all bad, it has increased advertising, the common man's ability to get their ideas out there, it allows charities to raise more money- but it has disrupted the way we function as a society. Thanks to facebook, I could fake an entire lifestyle- for all my friends know, I could be climbing Mt. Everest or base jumping in California, simply because sending a text or facebooking is easier than picking up the phone and actually having a conversation. Thanks to facebook, getting over past relationships is ten times as hard- because of the targeting features, who ever I facebook stalk the most will always show up on my mini feed, making it IMPOSSIBLE to get someone out of your life without actually taking the time to de-friend (another rampage for another time) them, or going into your settings and having them removed from your mini feed. Thanks to facebook-all I think about are my college friends because, lets be honest with ourselves for a moment, thats really all the friends I have right now (even though I am making progress!).

But then again, thanks to facebook, this blog actually gets read randomly and my words get out into some sort of world. Facebook is a double edged sword. A device that I will just have to learn how to control, like my addiction to AOL Instant messenger when I was in 7th grade.

So, here's to you Mark Zuckerberg- Thanks for making my day more productive because I avoided everything you ever created.

Peace, Love and Productivity,

B

Short Term Goals- Peace out Facebook

After an afternoon of netflix and arts and crafts, I realized something. Just like in the movie Julie&Julia, I need short term goals. Goals that are attainable and have a clear end date- so I have to force myself to follow through. Unfortunately, I have the horrible tendency to start huge projects, take on too much at once and then never finish. There are multiple scrap books, picture frames and articles left incomplete.

So this is a little game we are going to play. This game is called, "Get Brandi back to life." Every week, I want to set self improvement goals. Now, we're not talking like weight loss or cosmetic self improvements- more like mental health self-improvements. I am going to actively think about creating a new life in this so called 'real life.'

Living in this technology world, filled with bbm, texting, facebook, g-chat and every other source of direct communication- getting away and creating some sort of mystery is thrown out the door. Maybe this is one of the reasons that getting over college has been so hard, because with a click of a mouse or scroll of my phone, I am right back in college world and wishing I was somewhere else. So, that is the first thing I need to actively stop. I need to stop wishing I was somewhere else, put my phone down, close facebook and look at where I am.

This week's goal. For 7 days, I am going to limit my facebook stalking. For one week, I will only get onto facebook once a day (yes this might seem stupid, but let's just say, I spend a lot of time on facebook- seeing as living out in Queens, I spend a lot of time alone, in my room with only my computer.). This challenge starts now.

Peace, love and short term,

B

Here's to you 4 months

I realized this morning- after waking up from the most amazing Dave Matthews concert at MSG- that I have been a nomad of this great, big city for 4 months. The amount of learning I have done in those 4 months is absurd. I realize life is about learning- but when will it be my time to take control of where my life is going- when will my path be crystal clear? The current philosophy I have been following is the 'say yes' philosophy. When an opportunity comes up, if there is no good reason to say no, the answer is always yes. For example: Do you want to come to dinner? Yes, or Want to see a museum? Yes, or have you tried this food? no, but I will. Every situation I have somehow found myself in is a direct result of my 'say yes' experiment. I will continue the say yes experiment- because it got me here, but only time will tell where it take me- possibly the 'say yes' will show me where my path is.

My life takes twists and turns- the past month or so has been a little rocky- but the light at the end of the tunnel is starting to shine again. There are some ideas brewing in my mind that are going to start seeping out- slowly but surly- things are going to start happening- because as always... It's all happening. I don't want to tell yall what these 'things' are quite yet- they still need some time to evolve, but they are going to be exciting. Like every experiment in my life- I am sure this one will take a crazy and unconventional path, but thats the fun of my life.....

Here's to the next four months- who knows where I will be then. Only in my wildest dreams did I imagine myself actually working in the city, meeting the people have I met, and seeing the things I have seen. If the next four months are anything like the past 4 months, better buckle that seat belt- its going to get interesting. They never taught me this thing called life in college- for all the money spent on classes and supplies- you would think I would have any clue of how to deal with real life- this stuck in the middle feeling. The feeling of getting lost in time and the shuffle, but the desire to break out- the need to shine and show what I can do. At some point in my life, I want to teach a 'this is what you REALLY need to know' class in a college- none of these required math or history classes- a class that actually teaches life lessons and can be beneficial after graduation- to help one person make an easier transition than I am having...Maybe in the future, once I figure out the answers to what you really need to know first... Stay tuned.

Lesson learned from the past 4 months:

My life is the road less taken- learn to deal with it. I might not be conventional, I might be a little different- but its me- there's no changing that.

Peace, Love and dirt roads,

B

Internal Alarm- please snooze

For as long as I can actually remember, I have been an early riser. Saturday mornings in our house started around 9am, compared to all my friends who slept in until 11, 9 might as well been the crack of dawn. Even in college, no matter how late I would crash, my internal alarm would go off around 9 am.

I am now having an issue. My internal alarm is now set at 6:39am, and this just will not work for me. My mom's days start around 5 am- and I can already see how my sleeping habits will progress. As the years go by, my internal alarm is going to get earlier and earlier- until there are permanent dark circles under my eyes and getting only 4 hours of sleep will suffice. How can this horrible trend be stopped? I will find this answer and no the answer will not be with ambien or any other type of sleeping aid (they really scare me). Maybe its the bed I am sleeping in now or maybe there are too many things on my mind- or maybe I just don't need sleep (I am positive beyond belief that this is NOT the correct answer), whatever the cause- I will find a way to fix it.... someday.

Last night, I went to an open bar with a few friends to watch the Indiana basketball game, we hung around for a few hours after the game and around 11ish, I decided it was time for my long haul back to queens. I crashed into bed around 1 am and expected to sleep until at least 10... Yea that didn't happen- which is why I am writing this blog into the void in the first place, because I am awake.

My eyes opened first at 6:39- a minute before my regular alarm goes off during the week. I reminded myself that it was Saturday and went back to sleep. Around 7:39, my little eyes opened again- and again, I cursed myself and reminded myself that it is Saturday and fell back asleep... for 20 minutes. On the third time my eyes opened, I had enough, so now I guess that the day has begun. At least its going to be 63 and sunny today- maybe my body just doesn't want me to miss the day, or is trying to torture me- I just can't decide.

Question to be solved:

How am I going to get some sleep???

Peace, Love and Internal Alarms,

B

No Day is the Same with Katy Perry

Yesterday, after an invigorating boxing class- I had my eyes set on Queens to make some dinner. On the way to the subway, there was a line wrapping around the building across the street. Being curious, I wandered across the street to ask some boys what was going on. Everyone was wearing credentials and it looked like something more fun than just a Broadway show. The boys explained to me that Katy Perry was playing a free concert. I though, 'how lucky, I would love to see her, too bad.' Just as I was walking away, the boy asks me if I wanted to join and extended his hand with a pass in it. "OF COURSE I WANT TO GO!" Without thinking, I took the pass and stood in line with the boys. I made friends with them of course and chit chatted with them while waiting to get into the building.

Once inside, I got separated from my new friends- but without hesitation, made some new ones. Concerts are just more fun when surrounded by friends, so I created my own.

All in all, I did not end up back in Queens until 11 and had to settle with cereal for dinner- but I will say that this experience is something that can only happen in this city- the city where no day is the same. One day I see a clown on the E train, the next day I see Katy Perry for free. But one thing that needs to stay the same, I need to carry a camera now at all times, specifically for situations like a free concert!

Lesson Learned:

Have a camera and always ask what is going on, who knows what could happen.

Peace, Love, and Hot 'n Cold (thanks Katy Perry)

B

10 days strong... Gotta Start Over

Well, I was 10 days strong of not crying- 10 days strong of trying hard to move on from college- to accept that no matter how much I try, I can never go back, only keep moving forward. 10 days strong, until tonight when I learned that basically, life moves on without me. This concept of other peoples lives moving on without my presence sounds simple and apart of life- but in my head, its not. I put in so much time and effort into loving my sorority and college, so why should they just move on if I can't just yet? Shouldn't they be just as upset as I am? The logical answer to all these questions is no, but the 'Brandi want's to be in 2 places at once answer' is YES.

I put my facebook stalking on limited the past 10 days, tried to not text as much the past 10 days (but honestly that really was a weak effort), tried to disconnect myself from my friends in Bloomington to make my life easier. Unfortunately, I found out tonight that that tactic to get over college is not the right one. I have this trend to just cut people and phases out of my life by just complete ignoring them- shutting them out, and this is the first situation that I just cannot shut out. I actually have to deal with my emotions- deal with the grieving and learn to live with it instead of running away.

Reason I cannot cut people and things out of my life just because I do not want to deal with them: My sorority had board elections tonight. Not only did I not know this was happening, I was uninformed of who was running. Everyone else knew, why didn't anyone tell me? Just because I graduated does not mean I dropped of the face of the earth. But to be honest with myself, there is no one else to blame but myself. I tried to cut them out, why shouldn't they. In hindsight, this is not that big of a deal, but right now, at this second in time- it is a big deal to me, because I have finally realized that it's time for me to grow up, be a big girl, and learn to SUCK IT UP. Yes mom, I have finally said it out loud: I have to learn to suck it up.

Lesson Learned:

I can't keep cutting people and things out: I have to just learn to deal and keep on keepin' on.

Peace, Love and maybe this time I'll last 15 days (all in the name of progress),

B

Senator Advice.

Just a pre-story for what happened to me this week:

When 9/11 happened, I was in 8th grade. Being young and feeling removed, I wanted to help. So, I did what I knew best- made friendship bracelets. I raised around 800 dollars and needed to find a way to get the money to the President- not to a specific charity, because there were so many, I couldn't choose. In my 8th grade head, I figured that if I gave the money straight to George W. Bush, my money would be put to where he saw fit (also in my 8th grade head, $800 dollars might have as well been a million dollars). So, with no fear, I rang up the Senator of Georgia's office and demanded to speak to him. Our state senator must have seen something in me, or just really was curious to see who this rambunctious 13 year old was, because he came to my house, picked up the money and a letter I wrote and took it with him on Air Force One. When he returned, he came back to my house with a few presents: a hand written thank you note from the president himself and an American flag that was flown over the capital in my honor for 15 minutes. Those gifts are possibly the coolest things I have ever received. The State Senator that I originally contacted to help me get to the president and I have stayed in touch over the years- I have called him with questions and just updates about my life.

Now fast forward to the present:

My student loans are all about to go into repayment in a month, 4 loans in total. One private and three federal. The loan companies keep sending me literature about repayment schedules, rules and a lot of information that I cannot understand. There are a lot of things I am good at: making presentations, writing papers, solving social problems, making light of situations. But there are a few things I am highly aware I am NOT good at: math and numbers. Even when it comes to leaving tips at restaurants, I struggle.

Because of my confusion with numbers and the high amounts of anxiety I get just looking at my repayment information, I decided to reach out for help. Who best to explain federal loan information to me other than someone actually in the government (I figured)- and who do I have contact with (I thought)- Of course- the senator that took interest in me 9 years ago.

Now, I guess my head works a little differently than everyone else's, but people are people when it comes down to it. I have always thought this way (my Bat Mitzvah speech went around the phrase "people are people too.") and never really think twice, once someone is my friend, or I think they are my friend- I call them by their first name. Even the Senator. He called me at 9:15 on Wednesday morning, see as I was at work, I asked if I could give him a ring later- he said of course and gave me his cell phone number. Thinking nothing of it, I went on with my day- with the plan to call him later in the day.

My mom called me during my lunch break and I told her how I called the senator (still referring to him by his first name) and was planning on calling him after work when I had more time and this was her response: "First of all Bran, you need to ask him if it is ok that you call him by his first name. He might see you as disrespectful. Second of all, a state senator calls you and you ask to call him later. Who are you??" Now, clearly, I did not see this as a huge deal, I had contacted him before for advice and questions- why was this any different. He hadn't heard from me in a while and I wanted to catch him up on my life as well as get some advice.

When I called him after work, the first thing I asked him when he answered was "how would you like me to address you?" His response to me, "Honey, you call me whatever you like." I am fully aware he is a very important person in our country and I have full respect for him, but as I said in 7th grade and now still, people are people too. I truly believe this. If I had a different relationship with the senator- maybe I would have automatically addressed him as Mr. Senator, but we don't.

When we spoke, I told him all about my New York life and explained about my student loans and put me in contact with someone who really can explain my loans in 3rd grade language (which I need). And that was that (I also e-mailed him the link to my blog. So, senator, I hope you are reading.. and passing it along to your friends....). But I needed advice and I reached out for it- no big deal.

I told my best friend from growing up this story and this was his response, "Bran, only you. The things you do, only you." My answer- I just do me, have never really thought twice about the way I do things... But I guess its working for me.

Lesson Learned:

People are people too (I actually didn't just learn this, but I hope I taught it to you).

Peace, Love and Advice from everywhere,

B

No Crying on the E train

You know that feeling when you walk onto an airplane and you happen to have the seat right next to a bouncing, smiling 3 year old? That feeling of "oh yea, you are so cute now, but 100 feet up into the air, I might want to put a sock in your mouth." There is no difference from that feeling to the feeling of seeing a 3 year old on the E train when there is a 30 minute commute ahead.

I haven't been riding the subway around rush hour the past few weeks due to my extreme effort to have a social life. Typically, I have been leaving work around 5:30, to get to either a boxing class or a sports conditioning class (getting myself back into some sort of shape)- after working out (around 7ish), I have been meeting friends for dinner or meeting at their apartments to hang out and watch TV. Well, with spending so much time in the city, laundry has taken a back seat in the level of importance. Now knowing that, it has been about 2 1/2 weeks since I have washed any clothes, so my time was up, I needed to get some clean clothes.

But back to the screaming 3 year old. The reason I was on the E train during rush hour was because I needed to do laundry.

The train doors opened, I entered with about 10 others and we all saw the same sight and all had that thought of 'oy' when we saw the bounding, laughing, pink cheeked 3 year old. Without fail, the second the train doors slid closed, the once happy 3 year old, let out a scream about 5 times louder than my i-pod. This type of screaming is lethal. The only person I felt more sorry for than all 50 passengers (including myself), was the child's dad. He looked not only embarrassed because he couldn't control his child, but tortured. It can easily be assumed this type of screaming is typical for him.

At the end of the 30 minute ride, the gateways to silence opened. My stop finally came and finally the ringing in my hears subsided. Not a second too soon. My laundry got done and I actually ate a home made meal (made by me, my aunt doesn't really enjoy cooking)- all done with an echo in my hear.

Lesson Learned:

next time I see a small child on the subway, no matter if there is a cute guy or the president in the car, I will switch trains. The headache is not worth it- at all.

Peace, Love and Quite Subway Rides,

B

Brooklyn Graffiti

On my adventures this weekend, I found myself on the Williamsburg bridge over to Brooklyn. How I got there is still a mystery to me. My goal for the day was to just keep walking south, explore a part of the city that still was a mystery. Getting away from Times Square was a nice break considering now I know that part like the back of my hand. Anyways, Soho was cool and the part of China town I smelled seemed alright, but what really caught my attention was the bridge. I had never seen such a large bridge not in a car- so, as part of the adventure, my feet kept walking towards the large piece of articture. From far away this bridge looks pristine- with the water glisting below it. But once a little closer and actually on the bridge, I noticed that it was covered with grafiti. My first thoughts- how coudl someone ever deface this? Some people worked years to build this bridge and how disprectful to deface it. Then I started to actually look at some of the spray paint drawings- some of them are not just drawings, they are pieces of art. The creativity that went into some of the murals is nothing short of talent. Granted, do I still think its wrong to deface someones property, yes- but do I no think that some Grafiti is not just drawings, Yes.

Lesson Learned:

Slow down and really look at things, you never know what your missing. Some objects may seem run of the mill, but take a closer look and there might be a masterpiece.

Peace, Love and Spray Paint,

B

Always A Tourist

This weekend has been the best weekend on record so far for me living in New York. Finally, and confidently, I can say that I have a few friends that there is no hesitation to call just to hang out. It has taken me 3 months almost- and it finally happened.

I guess now is compared to the calm after the storm. The storm being my complete mental and physical break down of last week and now to the calm: me re-evaluating every single aspect of my adventure through New York. I have made the executive decision to lower my standards about how my life should be after college. The standards I set for myself were so outrageous, no wonder I was unhappy. All I concentrated on was how much fun my other friends were having together in Chicago. It's a hard pill to swallow when facebook flaunts how all my girlfriends are going out together and continuing their friendships while I was alone with a few friends in a new, unfamiliar city. A few things learned from this: Facebook lies and pictures on Facebook lie. Just because my friends are together, does not mean they aren't having just as hard of a time as I am. My decision includes not worrying about how much fun everyone else is having, rather worry about how much fun I am having and push the limits of how well I can function on the least amount of sleep (not so much worry- wrong word to use- more so focus on). It also includes being in the now. I have always said that life happens in the now, not tomorrow, but never really practiced my preachings. Constantly I worry about what will happen next week, but this weekend started the new. The farthest I am going to allow my self to think about is the next few hours. I am going to begin to use this city as my real playground- as my backpacking site. Everyone use to go on backpacking trips to Europe after college. Since clearly I don't have to funds for that, I will substitute Italy with Little Italy and China with China Town. I will treat this city every second like its my first time, seeing everything and exploring everywhere.

Going along with this revelation of exploring, I really got into character for Halloween on Saturday night - Naturally and fitting, I went as a tourist, dressed head to toe in "I love New York" stuff. That night was the perfect start to my new approach to this city. I adventured to a new friends house party in Alphabet city, wandered to a bar, followed by a slice of pizza, rode the subway at 2:30 am, asked a random guy for a slice of his pizza (surprisingly he gave it to me) and ended up back at my friend's house in midtown. Every part of that night was unplanned- just went with the flow and ended up being amazing.

Lesson Learned:

Just as Nike says, Just do it. AND, there is room for a second chance New York.

Peace, Love and Tourists,

B

This ones for my 'big sister'

I have to tell you all about someone. This someone has taken a very big role in my life without even knowing it- her and I have formed this big/little sister relationship in my eyes. She experiences things 4 years ahead of me and guides me through the tough times. Her and I have never really hung out or went for long lunches- but she is the only person who can really say that she understands what I am going through in this transition of my life, because she has been there- literally- almost the exact same transition, down to the time line.

Our sister like relationship started my senior year of high school (we both attended the same high school, her 4 years earlier) when I went to visit Indiana University in April. She was a senior at the time and getting ready for graduation. We took a tour around the school and ate lunch at Village Deli (if you went to Indiana, you know what I am referring to). She showed us her house on 9th and Grant (I lived on 8th and Grant my senior year... just a side note) and explained how she was selling her mattress and how difficult the process was. After that visit, I decided to commit to Indiana University and enroll as a freshmen the following fall.

First semester came and went. Being at such a large school, I was unsure of what major to pick. The advisors didn't quite take the time to get to know me, so I e-mailed my 'big sister' and asked her for advice. She guided my towards the communication school and a minor in business. Best decision ever made in my education career. With this major choice, I am able go anywhere and do anything because I have the basic life tools to communicate with others and handle myself in a business platform.

Now comes senior year of college. Graduation came and went. The difficulty of selling my furniture really was as annoying as she described it and the shock of moving out of Blooming was as devastating and terrifying as she said it would be (I'm not sure she she even knows I remember this much from our hour and a half lunch at Village Deli).

I took a trip to Israel and upon my return decided to pick up my bags and move to New York. Well, as it so happens, my 'big sister' did the same thing 4 years before me. She decided to leave our safe nest of Marietta Georgia and conquer the wild and untamed circus of New York. She too bunked in with someone until she got her feet on the ground. She too worked for one of the biggest magazine companies as an assistant for her first job. About a month before moving, I gave her a call for advice. To hear about her adventures of the past 4 years and get some tips. At the beginning of the conversation, there was a blank notepad in front of me, by the end- there was no space for any more words, tips or advice. The page was jammed pack with how to save money- where to go- what to do- how to look for a job and everything else under the sun. She built the skeletal outline for how I was going to conquer the city, she had her basics and left if up to me to fill in the details.

The amount of things her and I have done similar is a bit insane, considering her and I really have no other connections than our lives taking the same paths. But she is there, and her and I are suppose to have this relationship. Whoever it benefits more, me or her, really does not matter. But I have to share something that she wrote to me after reading my past few posts, "New York can be a tough place, especially coming from good ol' Marietta, GA and Bloomington, IN. As I'm sure you've noticed, people don't hold to door open when they notice you are right behind them. The barista at Starbucks doesn't call you "sweetie" when she takes your order or ask how your day is. The waiter at the restaurant you're having dinner at is not interested in schmoozing. People on the subway have no interest in moving out of the way when you're getting on or off of the subway cars. I’ll go ahead and make the statement that a lot of people in New York are so consumed by their own lives that they forget to notice what’s going on right in front of them. At times you’ll feel that human connection is lost…but let me assure you, my sweet GA peach, that there is so much more to this city.

I’m here to give you a pep talk."

To my 'big sister', Thank you. This post was for you. You have lit my flame back again to conquer this city. You have been the flash light holder in my journey through the tunnel of life since my senior year of high school. No other words to say other than your the best. I do not have any sisters and I know you don't either, but if you ever want a little one, I already consider you my big.

Lesson Learned,

sisters don't always have to be best friends or related- just knowing that they get it and they have really been there creates a bond that not even I can describe.

Peace, Love and thanks for being my Sister,

B

Free Spirits

I want to apologize to all my readers (all 8 of your.. maybe more that I'm unaware of) for the not so happy and funny blogs the past few days. Someone once told me that, when a free spirit has a bad day, its a really bad day. I am a free spirit- for the most part floating on cloud 9, but every once in a while- my spirits crash. When I take that tumble, its noticeable in my every being. Usually, my insides are fine and I rebound quickly, but to everyone else I seem like a train wreck. Thanks to you all who have been concerned. But I also want to reassure you- no need to worry. This free spirit is just wandering through the bad day, trying to discover everything that makes the good days- so good.

Take a step and imagine your lives- ups and downs, twists and turns. The difference between your lives and what I have decided to do with this blog, is your lives are private. Your inner thoughts are kept inside. I want everyone to come on the ride of my inner thoughts and experiences. I find some sort of comfort to know that people are sharing my life with me. To know that when I do have a bad day in this huge city, and all I feel like doing is crying, you guys, my readers, know how I feel- you are with me all the time.

For letting you into my life, I need you guys to do me a favor. I really do love writing about my life and every day- what would be amazing is to take this blog somewhere, write for a living. Write about my challenges, about my struggles, ups, downs and of course those times I lock all my clothes in lockers or date boys not for me. Writing about my life and possibly helping other people enjoy their lives is what I want to do- possibly forever. Everyone searches for their meaning, and this might possibly be mine. So what I need from you- pass my blog on, please. Sign up to follow me. Pass it on to anyone and everyone you know. The more readers I can share my thoughts with, the more people I can entertain and reach out to and who knows, maybe even get paid some extra money to help pay back some student loans. Who Knows, anything is possible.

Peace, Love and Pass it on,

B

Apples and Peaches

Yesterday morning was a little rough for me. I finally came to the realization that I do not love New York. 3 months have flown by of me living here and this city just is not for everyone. I will stick around for awhile, because I enjoy a good fight, but I called my mom and said a simple sentence, "Mom, I have come to the conclusion that New York is not for me. I am not totally happy here."

Granted, I have only lived here for three months and I will stick around for a little while longer, I do not have to justify why I want to go home. Its my home- I have been away from Atlanta for 4 years during college and no I am in New York, I just miss my home.

My revelation got me thinking while on the E train going into the city to watch the Indiana Football game with some friends. Of course I get the best thinking done on the E train- who couldn't? I mean, being surrounded by a handful of strangers, you feel so alone and my head just starts spinning.

Here is my analogy of why New York and I just do not fit:

"I am a peach, not an apple. Apples, tough on the outside, can be thrown around, shoved, pushed and their tough outer layer protects their sweet insides. But a peach is tender all over, cannot take a beating like an apple can. A peach is warm and enjoys the sun, it can take a little pushing but will burst easier. I am a peach, a Georgia peach, New Yorkers are apples and no matter how much I try, I am a peach through and through."

And whats the lesson learned?

It's ok. Life is about making choices and decisions to find what I really want.

Peace, Love and Peace Season,

B

Good Job Master Lock

I have to give the Master Lock company major props- because their locks really are the master and I found out why tonight. Trying to break those open is like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole- basically impossible.

My day had already been a little rough and I figured I would go to the gym across the street to blow off some steam and stress. Take 2 hours to myself and not think- it was a good idea in theory. I changed into my gym clothes at work and headed across the street. I was trying to make a 5:45 boxing class and had about 2 minutes to spare. In a rush, I threw everything into a locker, grabbed my lock out of my bag and closed the door and locked my lock. In the rush, I literally threw everything into the locker- including my phone- wallet- and of course, my keys. Not only was my locker key being held hostage by the locker, but my house keys. So there was not even the option of taking the hour trek back to Queens to get the spare key (on top of that, my phone was in the locker, so I couldn't even call anyone for help). The only phrase that came into my mind, "Seriously????"

I went up to the main desk and explained my dilemma, she told me to just go ahead and try to enjoy my work out and she will get someone to help after to cut the lock. So that is what I did- semi enjoyed my run (missed the boxing class) and kept thinking about how in the world was my stuff going to be set free. Needless to say- I lied, it was not an enjoyable work out at all.

An hour and a half later- I wandered back to the front desk and the puzzle of how to break the lock was on. Apparently, my lock is the best kind out there- impossible to break. After 15 minutes of the older woman trying to pry open the lock- we had to clear out the womens locker room so a man could come in a help us. He pulled out the big guns- a huge plyer- this one, he explained to me was only used as a last resort. The last resort plyer's saw their last day because my lock managed to break the hinge on them.

Finally, after 45 minutes of praying and hard work, we defeated the Master Lock. Granted, the lock can never be used again, but I got my stuff back.

But really, Seriously- only me. At least theres never a dull moment in my adventures of this great, big city.

Peace, Love and Master Locks,

B

To the next 5 years...

This weekend I went to homecoming. And now I 100% understand why they call it homecoming. When I was a student, I thought it was just another excuse to go out every night and go to classes hungover. But the real meaning for homecoming is for all the graduates to literally come home. Bloomington will always be a little slice of heaven and being away for the past 6 months was way to long.

But what was not way to long, was this weekend. This weekend was way too short- part of me just wanted to sit with all my friends and catch up on the past 6 months and the other part of me wanted to re-live second semester senior year, needless to say, the other part of re-living senior year won. I was non stop and shocked of how easy it was just to slip back into senior year me. I arrived in Indianapolis at 8:15 and Bloomington around 9:30- at our favorite bar (Nicks) by 10:45 and drinking beer and eating biz fries (the most amazing French fries with spices and a mayo dipping sauce... only can be made there- they are out of this world, believe me) by 11. The rest of the night was nonstop as well- complete with one hour of sleep around 6am and kegs and eggs bright and early at 8am. This was all just in 12 hours.

Something that I realized this weekend- college by far- was the best decision I ever made. Those 4 years I changed, morphed, laughed, cried, and everything in between more than any other time in my current life.

Now- sitting at my desk at 9:15 am, I am falling into a deep nostalgic state just thinking about it. I feel like I am in a dream and in about 30 seconds I will wake up back in room 622 in Foster Harper (my Freshmen dorm) on the first day of classes. This feeling will fade, I know it will, but I don't want it to because it's what I have to hold on to until my life starts rolling. I am still in the holding pattern of living in my Aunts house- dreaming of the day when I can finally afford to move out. I am a firm believer of living in the current and in the now- doing things just to do them, and every day in this big city, I am living just like that, but its not the same. I cannot say with full confidence that I am truly happy. My job is amazing- but again, like in my internship, I am feeling antsy, like I want to work with people more, I want to be known (for what, not sure, but known)- I want to be able to release all of this energy I have built up. That is the job I eventually will be in. But until I can really, really say that I am truly happy- I will keep dreaming about Bloomington and about the next time I can be with my friends in the greatest town on earth...

While at Sports on Saturday night/Sunday morning, around 3am, my best friends and I took a shot and toasted to the next 5 years. The next 5 years of us all being friends and our lives to the next 5 years- Should be a roller coaster ride.

Lesson Learned over this past weekend:

I need to find what makes me happy so I can stop thinking about Bloomington so much.

Peace, Love and the next 5 years,

B

Just Let the Freak Flag Fly

The Star Wars convention (or comic-con) was in town this weekend. On my of my trips back to Queens, there were two storm troopers on my train. Straight up Storm Troopers, holding their helmets exchanging stories about how cool their experience was and swapping video game techniques. At first, looking at these two guys, I couldn't help but laugh. I mean, come on, who wouldn't laugh? They were dressed as storm troopers. But after a few minutes of ease dropping, I got to thinking- good for these guys. Good for them that they do not care what other people think of them. My immediate reaction was that they were nerds- but really, who am I to judge, they just let their freak flag fly and they do not care. They know what they like, they know what they are talking about and they love Star Wars to the point where they are willing to dress up in full costume to attend a convention. I do not think that I have ever really loved something that much. Loved something to the point where I would dress up in costume and ride the subway or spend hundreds of dollars to deck myself out.

I am at a juncture in my life where I need a change- a life change, where I am going to let my freak flag fly. I have never really cared what people though of me, just the way I was born, but now it' to let myself do more, find something that I love to do. I will go on the hunt for my Storm Trooper obsession.

Lesson Learned:

Letting my freak flag fly is totally acceptable, Now time to find it.

Peace, Love and Storm Troopers,

B

Woman Down on the E

Yesterday was quite the city hopping day. My plan was to be at the Indiana bar by 12 for the IU/OSU game, Times Square by 3 to meet my grandparents and a sports bar around 5 to watch the rest of the Alabama game. Then after all the football and meeting people, I was going to a new friends place by NYU for a pregame. That is what was suppose to happen. A busy day planned for the bag lady in Manhattan. Thank goodness I payed the 89 dollars for my unlimited card- because a day that I had planned took me everywhere.

This is what actually happened...

Since I went to a concert Friday night at Madison Square Garden and did not get back to Queens until 12:30-1 (and had a few drinks at happy hour complete with a large beer at the concert), my wake up call at 9am Saturday morning did not even phase me. Finally, I rolled out of bed around 10:30, giving me just enough time to shower, eat breakfast, drink coffee and leave my aunts house by 11:15.

My power walk to the subway was not as fast as it is during my morning commute, but as long as I made it there before 11:40, I would at least make it to the bar before the 2nd quarter. For some reason, the stars aligned and right as I walked down to the platform, an E train was waiting for me. There was a typical change in the trip due to weekend construction- but other than that, there was no issue to get me into Manhattan. The doors closed and the train was off.

Halfway between Roosevelt Avenue and Queens bridge, I felt an unusual thud on the ground. Directly after, people started staring towards my left. Since my headphones were blaring, I could not hear what people were saying, but I picked up on the social que that something just wasn't right. I looked to my left and saw a pair of legs sticking out into the aisle on the floor. At first, nothing alarmed me, just because its the subway, I have seen people sleeping, juggling, making out and everything else- but then after someone ran over to the pair of legs, I knew something was wrong. Slowly, people started to look panicked and actually take concern to this unidentified pair of legs on the ground. We figured out that the legs belonged to a women, and she was awake again, but not moving. Her eyes were open- looking around, and she finally spoke, 'what happened.' A very kind man (native New Yorker, could tell by his voice) keeled down with her and instructed her not to move, just in case there was damage. Once the train arrived at Queens bridge, the New Yorker told his wife to stay with the woman and he ran down the platform screaming, "WOMAN DOWN, WE GOT A WOMAN DOWN OVA' HERE!" (I say OVA, because his accent was so thick, the word over was missing its 'r'). The train was delayed about 10 minutes until they could get the woman onto the platform. Once the doors closed again and we were back on route, our train car gave the man an ovation for his good deeds, which he fully deserved. Just one more story for my interesting rides on the E train.

Lets just say that for the Indiana game, I did not miss much. The passed out women on the train did not help the fate of my beloved Hoosiers, OSU scored within the first 5 minutes. Finally, I arrived at the bar on 52nd and 2nd- met my friends and drank a beer. After a few minutes, I received a text from a friend from home, telling me to come to the UGA bar on 11th and 4th to watch the UGA/Tennessee game. Since the IU game was depressing, I figured why not. It was only 1 and I did not have to meet my grandparents until 3. Found the 6 train and was on my way.

Little did I know that 11th and 4th is a little farther downtown than I have ever been before. A commute that should have taken me 10 minutes from bar to bar, took me over 45- I got lost. The streets down there are intermixed, the grid is not as straight forward. But after awhile, and a few turnarounds, I made it to the UGA bar.

I will say that the difference in atmosphere of location from the IU bar to the UGA bar is as different as the South and the East Coast. I felt like I was back at home watching the game. Boys were in backwards, torn up hats and polos with khakis. Girls were in t-shirts and jeans, nothing too fancy. Automatically, I felt at east. Since time was already slipping away and I wanted to enjoy myself, I texted my grandma (yes, she texts) and moved our meeting time to 4.

Lets just say, once I was done with dinner with my grandparents around 8, I was in no shape to go out. The only out I wanted was to my bed. And that is what I did. I am not ashamed to say that the day wore me out. I was in bed, asleep on a Saturday night by 11. And you know what? I do not even care.

Lesson Learned:

Turn my headphones down and carry a map. Both things will always be necessary.

Peace, Love and putting my unlimited card to use,

B

Rent for the E-train

For the past 2 weekends, the trundle bed in my room has been occupied. First, by my best friend who came in from Chicago, and Second, by my mom. Both weekends were fantastic and both weekends made me realize that I need to move in to Manhattan ASAP.

The first weekend, we wanted to be able to sleep in the city- but were stranded at 3 am with no place to sleep.

The second weekend, my mom and I went to a bar to watch the Alabama/Florida football game that started at 8. We ate dinner before the game started and started our own little beer fest. I have never seen my mom in that sort of atmosphere and lets just say, I know where I get my flirting skills. She was all over the place trying to get cute boys to sit with us and to find me new friends. It was a little weird seeing my mom in this state at first, but after awhile I realized that its just a mirror of how I flirt, but I figured she could do all the work for me. We go to a different bar at half-time and order a pitcher of beer- before we knew it, the time slipped away, it was already 11pm. Riding the subway past 11-11:30 in general is not the most comfortable or safe situations to be in- so we left before the game even ended. Because it was a Saturday night- the E train makes all local stops, not just express. A trip that typically takes me 30 minutes, now takes an hour. After the treck on the E train, we arrived in Forest Hills around 12. Two females walking alone .8 of a mile, again is not the most comfortable or safe situation (on top of the freezing temperature). Being a little drunk, we both started walking as fast as possible, making it a game as we went, who could walk faster then who. As we were giggling and panting, my mom stepped into a hole (not seen because it was dark, and also the blurred beer goggles did not help either) and the pain went straight into her neck.

All in all, the adventure to get back to my aunts house took us 2 hours. 2 hours that could have been spent drinking, flirting more, and just more city time.

For the amount of time I spend on the E-train in a week, they should require me to. An issue I am having with NEEDING (not wanting anymore, it is turning into a necessity) to move into Manhattan is the money issue. Currently, I am trying to solve the puzzle of how to make some extra money while working a 9-6 job, commuting every day, and still maintaining a social life. It is a puzzle, without a doubt. But why does this money issue always get in the way. I am working hard, I am being a good person and trying to do a good job- where is all that money that grows on trees? This is the city of dreams, so is my dream just going to fall from the sky one night and give me the answer?

Question needed to learn the answer:

How to hold 2 jobs or make extra money

Peace, Love and uncle sam give me some slack,

B

Kick Boxing... Kicked my Butt

Tuesday nights has officially turned into Glee night at the gym (In case you do not watch TV, or live under a rock, Glee is a show on Fox- and it is amazing). I try to leave work around 6ish, to get to the gym by 7, change my clothes and start weight training at 7:30, followed by an hour of cardio while watching Glee at 8. This has been my routine for the past 3 weeks, but yesterday turned out a little different.

I left work around 5:30 and got to the gym a little earlier- I wandered to the 3rd floor of the gym where they hold classes. I saw that there was a cardio kick boxing class at 6:30 and figured, I was there, so why not. The class owned me. Plain and simple. I have never worked so hard in my life. I consider myself to be in pretty good shape- working out at least 5 days a week and trying to eat well (most days). But nothing could have prepared me for this class. At the end of the hour long session- there was a ring of water on the floor from my sweat. I was so nervous someone would slip I made sure to wipe it up before I left.

The new class has started something for me- a new work out regime. It is time to find new ways to get into shape, and why should I be stubborn? Clearly my old work outs are not doing it for me anymore- so time to start new and fresh. I am going to put myself through a little self inflicted boot camp.

Lesson Learned:

Take classes at the gym- they will get me good and ready for Homecoming in 2 weeks. And even if not, a good way to meet friends.

Peace, Love and getting back into shape,

B

Morning Chatter

I have never been a talker early in the morning. Other than my birthday or the first day of school (and now the first day of working)- the mornings just are not the time to talk to me. I like to get my breakfast and coffee, listen to the news and get dressed. With my morning commute, I enjoy putting in my head phones and reading the metro news. The trains are noticeably quieter in the mornings than in the afternoon- assuming that, like me, everyone else does enjoy silence in the morning too. But there is always one person who just does not understand the code of morning bliss. This morning- the girl came in the form of possibly the most un-educated finical analyst I have ever heard in my life. I got the whole run down from this girl (even though she was not talking to me)- she was explaining her work commute to her boyfriend and how it is unreasonable for them to stay at his place somewhere outside Manhattan, when she lives right near her office (which is the Bank Of America Building near Bryant Park, I learned this crucial detail from her conversation that was about 6 levels too loud). I took a wild guess and assumed that she was getting to the point of asking him to live with her, but she was beating around the bush and complaining instead- a common strategy of women when they are unsure of something.

Occasionally there will be a conversation worth listening to on the commute, but not this one. I mentioned that she was un-educated, I do not mean that she is not smart- I'm sure she is very good at her job and good at other things as well, but her speech made her sound as if she belonged in the movie Clueless. Just not things I choose to hear in the mornings- the word 'like' snuck into every sentence. She could not even complete a thought without the insertion of the word. One of the words in the English vocabulary that makes even the educated sound dumb.

This is purely a ranting session- nothing else. Just morning commutes should be filled with silence, good music or smart conversations- just my opinion.

Peace, Love, and i-tunes,

B

The Devil Wears Prada... Really

When I first saw the movie, The Devil Wears Prada, I thought there was a bit of over exaggeration of how scared employees were of their bosses. People would shake in their boots whenever she would come around. I understand that it takes a tough person to run a major corporation or sector of a company,but I really did not believe that people were scared of their bosses. I mean, everyone is human, right?

I have never been introduced to the hierarchy or business really until now: in my parents office, they owned it, so I never really noticed anything- their employee's were free to ask questions and approach them without making a scheduled appointment. My job through college, my bosses were our friends, yes we respected them and knew our limits, but they turned into my parents away from my parents. I have carried these thoughts over to my new, real life job- why should I be afraid to ask my boss (also the head of the entire digital department questions (epically if its a question about a task for her)?

I received an e-mail from a co-worker, he explained that he was working from home and got an urgent e-mail from our boss that she needs a packet put together- he asked if I could do it as soon as possible. He also said that he is not sure which sheets she wanted nor what kind of binder she wanted the sheets in- so I was in a bit of a dilemma. My first plan of action was to find the sheets she was referring to and find nicer paper to print them out on. My second plan of action was to find out what kind of binding she preferred. I first asked her assistant if she had any idea what I was talking about- and she was no help. So instead of doing the project completely wrong, I called my co-worker and told him I was almost done, but just needed to hear back from our boss. He said, "Wait, you e-mailed her? Why did you do that? I only e-mail her if it is an emergency." This thought process shocked me. He was genuine in his response- he would have rather done the project wrong than ask. Clearly, I am not one for doing things wrong- so why go ahead and do something if you don't know its right? Everyone has different work ethics, and that is just my preference.

Well, surprise, the task was not urgent at all, he just had a bit of a freak out because it was sent to him from our boss so he thought it had to get done asap. She is out of the office until Friday and needs it then- not Monday afternoon at 4 when my coworker sent me the S.O.S. Why is he so afraid of our boss? I understand the respect lines- there has to be a clear definition that she is our boss, but she is also a person- as are all of us.

Lesson Leaned:

Even the president is a person. Yes- the president is busy, but a person without doubt.

Peace, Love and No Devil cold ever wear Prada,

B

Pay Day- For the Government

I finally got my first working girl paycheck! The thrill of opening it and seeing what I was being given for my hard work is indescribable. But, what is describable is the feeling of after initial shock of being so excited- the turn to, 'oh shit, this isn't enough.'

My plan of living here is to be able to move to Manhattan at least by February/March. I figured by then I would have enough saved up for 3 months rent and some extra money in the bank for security. Then I had to factor in my student loan amounts, ok fine, I can swing that. Then I had to factor in living expenses- utilities, food, transportation, things that just come up. After adding all these up, I came to the conclusion that I need a second job. How I will figure this puzzle out is still up in the air, but I have to do it. Who knows, maybe I will be sick of the city by then and want to move back to Atlanta, or to the beach and work at a bar (which I have always wanted to do), or who knows, but I will make bank. There is no option not to. I am not going to work this hard to succeed.

Something I have noticed about myself in the past few weeks, I am not ok just being in the middle. This quality I know comes straight from my parents, but I never thought it dwelled in me. My brother has always had the will and desire to make as much money, where as I was concerned with making enough to be ok and spend it right away. But now- in my life, being in the middle (for me) is just not where I want to be. The top of where ever I am, whatever industry or challenge is going to be my spot. Just gotta get there. But mission one: Student loans gotta go. I knew going to a college out of state came with a price. My parents sat me down and explained this to me multiple times, but not until you actually graduate does it set in. I do not regret them for one second, because Indiana was amazing- but now is the fun part, where I take everything I used those loans for to pay them off. Just another challenge.

Peace, Love and Salle Mae,

B

It's my life. If I want to sleep...

This weekend was a whirlwind. My best friend came in to visit from Chicago and boy did we work the city. We went into the city on Friday morning with everything we could possibly need all weekend and were bag ladies together. It was nice to not be a bag lady alone- homeless people are just happier traveling in packs. We went to a roof top bar after I got off work- to a friends apartment to get dressed and went out to a bar downtown. Notice, there is no dinner anywhere in our plans. Skipping dinner when we were suppose to go to a Yankees game the next day was not a good game plan- but oh well, it all happened.

Because I do not live in the city, we had plans to stay at a friends place.... Well, lets just say that the plan did not run smoothly and I am in need to move into the city (mainly for social reasons) as soon as possible. Just having to rely on other people is not always a good route to take when alcohol is involved. Judgement get blurred and thinking of responsibilities disappears. Either I need to have a spare set of keys to where ever I am staying, or handcuff myself to the resident of where I am staying to ensure not to get left behind. But this is not the point. That is a different story for a different time, which will be following very shortly.

After the crazy Friday night- it was time for the Yankees game at 4. They lost, which was a little bit of a buzz kill, but fun none the less. After the 4 hour game in the perfect fall day complete with sunshine and a breeze, we all went back into the city for dinner. I was sitting at the table, with a beer in front of me, and could not keep my eyes open. 4 hours of sleep and sitting in the sun all day does not make a good combination for going out the next night. I tried everything to give myself an energy boost- drinking soda, food, more beer and nothing helped. My mind was holding on for dear life- I wanted to go out, but my body just wasn't having it. They were on two different radio stations and the frequency of my body won, I just gave in. When we left the restaurant, everyone was discussing the groups next move, I finally opened my mouth and told what my next move was- bed. I explained how sorry I was to the visitors and gave everyone hugs and kisses (we are all going to see each other in 3 weeks for homecoming anyways, so it does not even matter) and sent them on their way.

Now, there are some people who can party all night, every night- I use to be one of them in college, running on empty was my style and my body could last for 2 weeks on sleep deprivation, but not anymore. One night a weekend because I want to be able to function the next day. I enjoy going to street fairs or art festivals on the weekend without feeling like I got hit with a truck by a hangover. Some people do not understand that. My friends from college who were visiting totally understood, they could see it in my face and respected me for it. But there are some people in this city who do not understand that I don't care to go out every night.

It is my life- and I can decide when I go out and what I deem as cool. Heres what happened (by the way, sorry for the extremely long post, it was a long weekend!): I have made this new friend, he is very nice and I enjoy talking with him, but what I do not enjoy nor appreciate is when I am peer pressured. I moved on from 7th grade. My dad was our peer pressure advisor in elementary school and did a very good job at teaching us to stand up for what we want to do.

I was laying in bed, basically passed out when my phone started vibrating. Typically, I set my phone on complete silence when I am sleeping so it does not wake me up, but since the visitors were out and about, I left it on just in case they needed me. But the vibration was not set off by one of my visiting friends, it was my new friend- he was at a bar down the street from where I was staying and wanted me to come out. I explained through text that I was exhausted and sorry, but there was no way I was going out. He proceeded to say "don't be a bum" and "just throw on some jeans." Now, 1 or 2 encouraging texts is fine- but when they keep coming, enough is enough for me. I do not care that everyone else is doing it and everyone else is having a great time- I needed my sleep and get very cranky when people stand in my way of getting it. No one can tell me what I think is cool or a good time other than myself- it is my life and I am a big girl, I can make my own decisions. Although all his texts were out of encouragement and he was just trying to get me to come out (it is nice being wanted, everyone knows that)- there comes a point where I just do not care and he tapped right on it.

Moral of my story:

Once you get out of college (or even still in college)- it is ok not to party hard every night. If theres something the next day that seems cooler- its ok not to stay out till the wee hours of the morning. Everyone likes different things and defines a good time in different ways- thats what makes the world go round.

Peace, Love and 8 hours of sleep,

B

Bendels, Channel, Oh My!

I worked my first sales event today with Hearst. We rented out the 3rd floor of Bendel's on 5th avenue and had a hair station, make up station and of course food. My assignment was to wait on the first floor and direct attendees to the elevator. I was stationed right next to the Channel counter where every product of Channel makeup was displayed. While waiting, I took a gander and explored their make-up line. Even though the prices are out of this world, there is no harm in looking and dreaming. While I was browsing, the woman behind the counter asked what I was doing and I explained the event up stairs.

As with every random person I speak to, my story of how I just moved here and got a job came up. Immediately after hearing my story she said, "Girl, you are going to make it in this life time, I can tell. But you will not make it in this city if you don't get some make up on your face!" Now, she didn't realize that I had been in the office since 9am and do not carry make up with me(which I probably should now)-and to be perfectly honest, I have never worn a lot of make-up, I am just too lazy. But I let her do what she wanted- a little eyeshadow, a dab of blush and a smattering of lip gloss. She looked over my face with a satisfied look and handed me the mirror. She was right. With just a little touch up of color, I looked ready to go- like my day hadn't even started yet.

This woman gave me some very valuable advice- she said that in New York, its not enough just to turn heads, you have to make them stare. What a concept- I never thought about it that way. I figured to get people's attention, I just had to get them to notice, but she is taking my thoughts one extra step- I need to get people to be memorized.

So what did I learn from my little trip to Bendel's:

It is not enough to make people look and take one glance, In my life, I am going to have to make people stare, and really take that second look.

Peace, Love and High-End Lip Gloss,

B

Not enough hours

So, I am apologizing right now for the lack of easy-read posts about my insane life. Because there just aren't enough hours in the day to fit in an hour or so to write about the every day occurrence that happen: like my current attempt to be on Good Morning America as their new advice guru. I will just have to save up my stories up in a bank (aka the pink notebook I carry around and jot notes down) and cash them in on the weekends to share.

But a new advance- I joined the New York Sports Club, and trying to get myself back on track. I know my body is thanking me! This weekend should be amazing as well- many adventures with my best friend coming to visit.

Lesson Learned: I am really finding out what is important to me when 24 hours just doesn't seem to be enough. Just like Jersey Shore-- there are 3 things that are important: Gym-Work-Friends (Jersey shore is Gym-Tan-Laundry, but tanning isn't typically my thing and laundry, eh, it can wait.).

Peace, Love, and extra hours,

B

Tornado's...Miss me.

When I left the south, I figured I was leaving behind the threat of tornadoes as well. I have been through a good amount of terrifying tornado threats, where when the siren would ring, we would run for the basement and a room with no windows. Here- in Forest Hills, New York, there are no such things as tornado sirens. But, for me, I didn't even see the storm. I did not see the winds, feel the rain or hear the lightning of the terrifying storm- why? because I was still on the E train coming home from work. Here's the story:

So, on Thursday afternoon around 5:00, I checked the weather.com- I knew it was suppose to storm at some point in the afternoon, but the timing was a little iffy. The radar said rain around 6:00ish- so I figured If I left the office at 5:15, my aunt could pick me up from the subway if it was raning. I said bye to my office mate and headed for the tunnel. The sky was eerie in Manhattan, and the weather was muggy, but I thought nothing of it. I did't care if it stormed in Manhattan, I am going to Queens, so off to the E train I went. There was nothing out of the ordinary. My i-pod was pumping, I finished 4 easy puzzles and the man next to me reeked of BO and was standing a little to close for comfort. Again, like I said, nothing out of the ordinary.

Once the train landed at 71st Street- I walked towards the South side exit- there was a bit of commotion and a man directing train riders to go to a different exit because there was glass on the ground. This did not phase me, maybe a homeless man dropped his shopping cart of bottles or something like that, so I headed for the other exit.

When I emerged form the tunnel to the outside street- at first I did not notice anything because my eyes were directed at the ground (I was in flip flops and did not want to step in anything), and then I noticed glass- and my vision extended- more glass, then I saw a building sign on the ground, and I finally looked up and Fores Hills looked somewhat like war zone. Building signs were everywhere- glass shards scattered all over the streets- the bank's door was bent- tree branches lying in the middle of the road. I was puzzled. A girl about my age was standing next to me and I asked her what happened and she said she had no idea. We over heard a man walk by us saying there was a tornado. A TORNADO??? I did not even know those existed in the north east.

This tornado ripped apart my aunts neighborhood- I mean, trees down in streets to the point were even trying to walk in between them was unsafe. The second everything processed in my brain, I called my aunt to make sure she was safe- which she was. Then she insisted on coming to pick me up. I explained to her how bad the damage was and she wouldn't be able to get to me by car- but she is a little stubborn and told me where to stand and she said she would be there. She also informed me that she could not find her cell phone- which in times like these, a cell phone is necessary. So she was off to save the day. I waited for 45 minutes for her... and she never showed. I called her cell phone (even though it was pointless) and her house phone and no answers. I decided it was time to head back to her house- dark was setting in, the temperature started to drop and honestly, I was getting tired and a little fed up with waiting.

The walk that typically takes 8 minutes, ended up taking 45- because of all the debris, broken glass, glass hanging from apartment buildings, a lot of the streets were closed and foot traffic was basically a maze. Finally, once I made it back, my aunt was waiting for me at the corner. Her first words to me, "It was insane to drive, I couldn't get anywhere." All I could think was DUH, I told you that! But some people don't know unless they experience.

But all in all- My main point- Tornadoes happen as rare as blizzards happen in Atlanta, and of course, when I move up here, the supernatural happens, I guess they just like to follow me..

So lesson learned: Be prepared, bring an umbrella.

Peace, Love and We are safe,

B