Sleep Away Camp

In 3rd grade, my parents sent me to sleep away camp. I got very sick, bronchitis, phenomia and strep throat all in 4 weeks. Every chance I got, I would call home and beg for my parents to come and bring me home. The amount of tears that were shed in those weeks was almost humanly impossible. The feeling of just wanting to be home was the worst feeling for a 3rd grader. Till this day, never again do I want to feel like that. The feeling was comparable to having your gut ripped out, not able to catch your breath and just wanting to calm down but you cannot. I had dreams every night of just being home, being somewhere I felt comfortable.

That 3rd grader is starting to come out again. There is no where I am finding home. The feeling of being so far away, so disconnected, so helpless is starting to rise. After going home for Thanksgiving... I am starting to think that maybe, really this city is not for me. The issue is still up for debate, but how much longer am I suppose to live here? How much longer am I suppose to try and force myself to be happy? All the thoughts of moving out of my aunts house got shot down after I had an honest talk with my parents. Financially, there is no chance I can move out and really live. All the stress compiles on top of itself and on Sunday, it all boiled over into one crying mess of a mental break down.

Lesson Learned:

Maybe it takes learning what you don't want to finally see clearly what you do want....

Peace, Love and stuck in a rut,

B