10 days strong... Gotta Start Over

Well, I was 10 days strong of not crying- 10 days strong of trying hard to move on from college- to accept that no matter how much I try, I can never go back, only keep moving forward. 10 days strong, until tonight when I learned that basically, life moves on without me. This concept of other peoples lives moving on without my presence sounds simple and apart of life- but in my head, its not. I put in so much time and effort into loving my sorority and college, so why should they just move on if I can't just yet? Shouldn't they be just as upset as I am? The logical answer to all these questions is no, but the 'Brandi want's to be in 2 places at once answer' is YES.

I put my facebook stalking on limited the past 10 days, tried to not text as much the past 10 days (but honestly that really was a weak effort), tried to disconnect myself from my friends in Bloomington to make my life easier. Unfortunately, I found out tonight that that tactic to get over college is not the right one. I have this trend to just cut people and phases out of my life by just complete ignoring them- shutting them out, and this is the first situation that I just cannot shut out. I actually have to deal with my emotions- deal with the grieving and learn to live with it instead of running away.

Reason I cannot cut people and things out of my life just because I do not want to deal with them: My sorority had board elections tonight. Not only did I not know this was happening, I was uninformed of who was running. Everyone else knew, why didn't anyone tell me? Just because I graduated does not mean I dropped of the face of the earth. But to be honest with myself, there is no one else to blame but myself. I tried to cut them out, why shouldn't they. In hindsight, this is not that big of a deal, but right now, at this second in time- it is a big deal to me, because I have finally realized that it's time for me to grow up, be a big girl, and learn to SUCK IT UP. Yes mom, I have finally said it out loud: I have to learn to suck it up.

Lesson Learned:

I can't keep cutting people and things out: I have to just learn to deal and keep on keepin' on.

Peace, Love and maybe this time I'll last 15 days (all in the name of progress),

B