Bathrooms for Dogs and Subways

I have always wanted to have a dog of my very own- A little puppy to say is just mine (mom and dad, if you ever tell putter this, I will be so mad, because he will always be my puppy that lives at your house). But having a dog living in New York city just does not look ideal. Seeing a dog having to use the side walk instead of grass for a bathroom not only looks unpleasant for me to watch but looks like the dog is embarrassed. Do the dogs here not know what grass it? Or because of the minimal grass, just pretend that concrete is a substitute for grass? To me, it just doesn't seem fair. There are dog parks here, yes, but there are no real back yards where a dog can run, play and bask in the sun all day. The majority of these puppies sit inside a small apartment all day and wait for their 15 minute walk where they can do their business ON THE SIDEWALK- where people are watching.

What about in the winter? Where do these poor puppies go to the bathroom? This blows my mind- back in the south, snow is never an issue nor is the lack of grass- so this little puzzle will not make sense to me until the winter hits. So I guess until I am not in the Big City, I will not have a dog of my own. It just doesn't seem fair.

But on the topic of bathrooms.... I had a little issue last night. I did not realize how long the subway ride from 14th street to Queens was about 45 minutes, on top of a .8 mile walk home.... All of this is very relevant.

Let me explain: I had gone out to see some college friends and we went to a Mexican bar to get a few drinks and some guacamole. Two beers down and a belly full of chips and dip, I figured it was getting late and the sun was going down- so it was time to head home. I said goodbye to my friends and found the nearest E-train, not taking into account that I had drank beer and a few glasses of water. The second I swiped my subway card and went through the turn style, I had the urge to pee. Here was an issue- there is no way I would use the subway bathrooms, so I was just going to have to hold it. My E train comes- I get on, take my seat and begin the long haul back to Queens. My stop finally comes (and at this point the urge to pee had subsided because I hadn't moved since I got on the train), I stand up and my bladder feels like its about to explode. My aunts house is .8 miles away from the train station- so I figure I will survive.

About half way through the walk, all I can think about is waterfalls and dripping water, so I called my mom for some distraction. "Mom, I need someone to distract me, I really have to pee and I am walking back to the house and I am dying!" I said. So she goes, "Wait, wait, say that again! I'm putting you on speaker phone!" NO MOM, THAT IS NOT WHAT I WANT! I started laughing so hard, tears started running down my face. This was not the distraction I was looking for- the crying made my bladder hurt and I couldn't stop laughing. I was a sight to see.

But I did finally make it back- free and clear. But there is a VERY important lesson here from my little mishap and episode:

Always empty your bladder before you get on the subway- there aren't any on the trains- and those poor dogs who don't know the difference...Watch out for the squatting dogs on the sidewalk.

Peace, Love and Porttapottys,

B