...The ones who have tattoos on their faces...... look like they haven't showered in weeks..... and the 22 year old girls crying, with makeup running down their face, on 5th avenue, alone and clinging to their phone for dear life like its their lifeline?
Yea, that third one was me today.
Today is what I like to call the roller coaster ride of emotions. I went to bed thinking by the end of the week, maybe these interviews will be over. Maybe I will have done the unthinkable. Maybe, just maybe I will have a job. I saw the glimmering light at the end of the unemployment tunnel. And in one simple e-mail, that light turned into a massive hurricane.
The one job that I really thought there was a solid chance- had hired from within. After 3 phone calls to my parents and about 7 blocks, I realized that there is no fighting the hire from within- if it were my internship and they didn't hire me- oh would there be a problem. But then again- its not where I interned and its the job I really had my heart set on- so the fact still stands- I am unemployed and some other girl got the job I fantasized about. But honestly, what I was most upset about at the time was the rejection. My dad compared this to freshmen year sorority recruitment where I was cut from every house I loved because I asked how many Jewish girls were in each house (now looking back... bad idea- but at the time, it was something that was very important to me). The rejection I took during the process was devastating. All I wanted to do was curl up in a corner and cry.. which is exactly what I did. But in the end, I ended up exactly where I should have been the entire time. That feeling of rejection was how I felt today- So after I got myself to stop crying for at least 10 minutes I wrote "thanks for the interviews, I suck and I still want the job even though you rejected me" e-mails to the people I interviewed with (which on a good note- these are beneficial to write... not only does it show them you would still kill for the job- it keeps your name in their minds... just a tip).
My life tends to work like this you see. I have my heart set on one thing- and I push full force for this one thing and when it doesn't work out- there is always another option that was always around but did not consider at first, and ends up being the best in the end. After I graduated college with my major and minor-multiple positions in my sorority- a successful part time job- a full summer of an internship and a pretty good looking resume (in my opinion and the opinion of one of my best friends who re-did it for me), I thought life would get a little easier. I thought my trend of going from point A to G to Y and then finally to B were over. Obviously not.
But just to top off the roller coaster of emotions- once I got myself together was able to stop crying and ignored my moms idea of going to get ice cream (because lets be honest- I had Carnegie deli where I ate about an entire pound of pastrami yesterday and steak for dinner.. the last thing I need in my system is ice cream...), I went into an office of a friend of my parents and just talked. I just needed some direction and someone to just sit with me while I cried- and thank goodness I did. I had never felt so alone and just sitting with someone helps. Once I left his office after about an hour and a half of talking, I received this e-mail from another company I have been interviewing with,
"It was great meeting with you yesterday. While we still have more people to see in the next week or so, I felt it was important to let you knowhow well you did. In fact, I can tell you at this point, you are our lead candidate. As we finish up initial interviews and figure out what the next steps are, we will definitely keep you posted. In the mean time, if you do decide to pursue other opportunities, can you please let me know."
What show am I on?? Candid Camera? Did I sign a contract in my sleep or one crazy night during college that allowed a TV show to follow me? Becase this cannot be real life. But... It is.. so life is moving on. As fast as summer storms pass in Florida... I am on to the next..
So lesson learned today:
Wear waterproof mascara if you are going to cry during the day in the city.. or at least bring sun glasses.
Peace, Love and Rain Showers,
B
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