Internal Alarm- please snooze

For as long as I can actually remember, I have been an early riser. Saturday mornings in our house started around 9am, compared to all my friends who slept in until 11, 9 might as well been the crack of dawn. Even in college, no matter how late I would crash, my internal alarm would go off around 9 am.

I am now having an issue. My internal alarm is now set at 6:39am, and this just will not work for me. My mom's days start around 5 am- and I can already see how my sleeping habits will progress. As the years go by, my internal alarm is going to get earlier and earlier- until there are permanent dark circles under my eyes and getting only 4 hours of sleep will suffice. How can this horrible trend be stopped? I will find this answer and no the answer will not be with ambien or any other type of sleeping aid (they really scare me). Maybe its the bed I am sleeping in now or maybe there are too many things on my mind- or maybe I just don't need sleep (I am positive beyond belief that this is NOT the correct answer), whatever the cause- I will find a way to fix it.... someday.

Last night, I went to an open bar with a few friends to watch the Indiana basketball game, we hung around for a few hours after the game and around 11ish, I decided it was time for my long haul back to queens. I crashed into bed around 1 am and expected to sleep until at least 10... Yea that didn't happen- which is why I am writing this blog into the void in the first place, because I am awake.

My eyes opened first at 6:39- a minute before my regular alarm goes off during the week. I reminded myself that it was Saturday and went back to sleep. Around 7:39, my little eyes opened again- and again, I cursed myself and reminded myself that it is Saturday and fell back asleep... for 20 minutes. On the third time my eyes opened, I had enough, so now I guess that the day has begun. At least its going to be 63 and sunny today- maybe my body just doesn't want me to miss the day, or is trying to torture me- I just can't decide.

Question to be solved:

How am I going to get some sleep???

Peace, Love and Internal Alarms,

B

No Day is the Same with Katy Perry

Yesterday, after an invigorating boxing class- I had my eyes set on Queens to make some dinner. On the way to the subway, there was a line wrapping around the building across the street. Being curious, I wandered across the street to ask some boys what was going on. Everyone was wearing credentials and it looked like something more fun than just a Broadway show. The boys explained to me that Katy Perry was playing a free concert. I though, 'how lucky, I would love to see her, too bad.' Just as I was walking away, the boy asks me if I wanted to join and extended his hand with a pass in it. "OF COURSE I WANT TO GO!" Without thinking, I took the pass and stood in line with the boys. I made friends with them of course and chit chatted with them while waiting to get into the building.

Once inside, I got separated from my new friends- but without hesitation, made some new ones. Concerts are just more fun when surrounded by friends, so I created my own.

All in all, I did not end up back in Queens until 11 and had to settle with cereal for dinner- but I will say that this experience is something that can only happen in this city- the city where no day is the same. One day I see a clown on the E train, the next day I see Katy Perry for free. But one thing that needs to stay the same, I need to carry a camera now at all times, specifically for situations like a free concert!

Lesson Learned:

Have a camera and always ask what is going on, who knows what could happen.

Peace, Love, and Hot 'n Cold (thanks Katy Perry)

B

10 days strong... Gotta Start Over

Well, I was 10 days strong of not crying- 10 days strong of trying hard to move on from college- to accept that no matter how much I try, I can never go back, only keep moving forward. 10 days strong, until tonight when I learned that basically, life moves on without me. This concept of other peoples lives moving on without my presence sounds simple and apart of life- but in my head, its not. I put in so much time and effort into loving my sorority and college, so why should they just move on if I can't just yet? Shouldn't they be just as upset as I am? The logical answer to all these questions is no, but the 'Brandi want's to be in 2 places at once answer' is YES.

I put my facebook stalking on limited the past 10 days, tried to not text as much the past 10 days (but honestly that really was a weak effort), tried to disconnect myself from my friends in Bloomington to make my life easier. Unfortunately, I found out tonight that that tactic to get over college is not the right one. I have this trend to just cut people and phases out of my life by just complete ignoring them- shutting them out, and this is the first situation that I just cannot shut out. I actually have to deal with my emotions- deal with the grieving and learn to live with it instead of running away.

Reason I cannot cut people and things out of my life just because I do not want to deal with them: My sorority had board elections tonight. Not only did I not know this was happening, I was uninformed of who was running. Everyone else knew, why didn't anyone tell me? Just because I graduated does not mean I dropped of the face of the earth. But to be honest with myself, there is no one else to blame but myself. I tried to cut them out, why shouldn't they. In hindsight, this is not that big of a deal, but right now, at this second in time- it is a big deal to me, because I have finally realized that it's time for me to grow up, be a big girl, and learn to SUCK IT UP. Yes mom, I have finally said it out loud: I have to learn to suck it up.

Lesson Learned:

I can't keep cutting people and things out: I have to just learn to deal and keep on keepin' on.

Peace, Love and maybe this time I'll last 15 days (all in the name of progress),

B

Senator Advice.

Just a pre-story for what happened to me this week:

When 9/11 happened, I was in 8th grade. Being young and feeling removed, I wanted to help. So, I did what I knew best- made friendship bracelets. I raised around 800 dollars and needed to find a way to get the money to the President- not to a specific charity, because there were so many, I couldn't choose. In my 8th grade head, I figured that if I gave the money straight to George W. Bush, my money would be put to where he saw fit (also in my 8th grade head, $800 dollars might have as well been a million dollars). So, with no fear, I rang up the Senator of Georgia's office and demanded to speak to him. Our state senator must have seen something in me, or just really was curious to see who this rambunctious 13 year old was, because he came to my house, picked up the money and a letter I wrote and took it with him on Air Force One. When he returned, he came back to my house with a few presents: a hand written thank you note from the president himself and an American flag that was flown over the capital in my honor for 15 minutes. Those gifts are possibly the coolest things I have ever received. The State Senator that I originally contacted to help me get to the president and I have stayed in touch over the years- I have called him with questions and just updates about my life.

Now fast forward to the present:

My student loans are all about to go into repayment in a month, 4 loans in total. One private and three federal. The loan companies keep sending me literature about repayment schedules, rules and a lot of information that I cannot understand. There are a lot of things I am good at: making presentations, writing papers, solving social problems, making light of situations. But there are a few things I am highly aware I am NOT good at: math and numbers. Even when it comes to leaving tips at restaurants, I struggle.

Because of my confusion with numbers and the high amounts of anxiety I get just looking at my repayment information, I decided to reach out for help. Who best to explain federal loan information to me other than someone actually in the government (I figured)- and who do I have contact with (I thought)- Of course- the senator that took interest in me 9 years ago.

Now, I guess my head works a little differently than everyone else's, but people are people when it comes down to it. I have always thought this way (my Bat Mitzvah speech went around the phrase "people are people too.") and never really think twice, once someone is my friend, or I think they are my friend- I call them by their first name. Even the Senator. He called me at 9:15 on Wednesday morning, see as I was at work, I asked if I could give him a ring later- he said of course and gave me his cell phone number. Thinking nothing of it, I went on with my day- with the plan to call him later in the day.

My mom called me during my lunch break and I told her how I called the senator (still referring to him by his first name) and was planning on calling him after work when I had more time and this was her response: "First of all Bran, you need to ask him if it is ok that you call him by his first name. He might see you as disrespectful. Second of all, a state senator calls you and you ask to call him later. Who are you??" Now, clearly, I did not see this as a huge deal, I had contacted him before for advice and questions- why was this any different. He hadn't heard from me in a while and I wanted to catch him up on my life as well as get some advice.

When I called him after work, the first thing I asked him when he answered was "how would you like me to address you?" His response to me, "Honey, you call me whatever you like." I am fully aware he is a very important person in our country and I have full respect for him, but as I said in 7th grade and now still, people are people too. I truly believe this. If I had a different relationship with the senator- maybe I would have automatically addressed him as Mr. Senator, but we don't.

When we spoke, I told him all about my New York life and explained about my student loans and put me in contact with someone who really can explain my loans in 3rd grade language (which I need). And that was that (I also e-mailed him the link to my blog. So, senator, I hope you are reading.. and passing it along to your friends....). But I needed advice and I reached out for it- no big deal.

I told my best friend from growing up this story and this was his response, "Bran, only you. The things you do, only you." My answer- I just do me, have never really thought twice about the way I do things... But I guess its working for me.

Lesson Learned:

People are people too (I actually didn't just learn this, but I hope I taught it to you).

Peace, Love and Advice from everywhere,

B

No Crying on the E train

You know that feeling when you walk onto an airplane and you happen to have the seat right next to a bouncing, smiling 3 year old? That feeling of "oh yea, you are so cute now, but 100 feet up into the air, I might want to put a sock in your mouth." There is no difference from that feeling to the feeling of seeing a 3 year old on the E train when there is a 30 minute commute ahead.

I haven't been riding the subway around rush hour the past few weeks due to my extreme effort to have a social life. Typically, I have been leaving work around 5:30, to get to either a boxing class or a sports conditioning class (getting myself back into some sort of shape)- after working out (around 7ish), I have been meeting friends for dinner or meeting at their apartments to hang out and watch TV. Well, with spending so much time in the city, laundry has taken a back seat in the level of importance. Now knowing that, it has been about 2 1/2 weeks since I have washed any clothes, so my time was up, I needed to get some clean clothes.

But back to the screaming 3 year old. The reason I was on the E train during rush hour was because I needed to do laundry.

The train doors opened, I entered with about 10 others and we all saw the same sight and all had that thought of 'oy' when we saw the bounding, laughing, pink cheeked 3 year old. Without fail, the second the train doors slid closed, the once happy 3 year old, let out a scream about 5 times louder than my i-pod. This type of screaming is lethal. The only person I felt more sorry for than all 50 passengers (including myself), was the child's dad. He looked not only embarrassed because he couldn't control his child, but tortured. It can easily be assumed this type of screaming is typical for him.

At the end of the 30 minute ride, the gateways to silence opened. My stop finally came and finally the ringing in my hears subsided. Not a second too soon. My laundry got done and I actually ate a home made meal (made by me, my aunt doesn't really enjoy cooking)- all done with an echo in my hear.

Lesson Learned:

next time I see a small child on the subway, no matter if there is a cute guy or the president in the car, I will switch trains. The headache is not worth it- at all.

Peace, Love and Quite Subway Rides,

B

Brooklyn Graffiti

On my adventures this weekend, I found myself on the Williamsburg bridge over to Brooklyn. How I got there is still a mystery to me. My goal for the day was to just keep walking south, explore a part of the city that still was a mystery. Getting away from Times Square was a nice break considering now I know that part like the back of my hand. Anyways, Soho was cool and the part of China town I smelled seemed alright, but what really caught my attention was the bridge. I had never seen such a large bridge not in a car- so, as part of the adventure, my feet kept walking towards the large piece of articture. From far away this bridge looks pristine- with the water glisting below it. But once a little closer and actually on the bridge, I noticed that it was covered with grafiti. My first thoughts- how coudl someone ever deface this? Some people worked years to build this bridge and how disprectful to deface it. Then I started to actually look at some of the spray paint drawings- some of them are not just drawings, they are pieces of art. The creativity that went into some of the murals is nothing short of talent. Granted, do I still think its wrong to deface someones property, yes- but do I no think that some Grafiti is not just drawings, Yes.

Lesson Learned:

Slow down and really look at things, you never know what your missing. Some objects may seem run of the mill, but take a closer look and there might be a masterpiece.

Peace, Love and Spray Paint,

B

Always A Tourist

This weekend has been the best weekend on record so far for me living in New York. Finally, and confidently, I can say that I have a few friends that there is no hesitation to call just to hang out. It has taken me 3 months almost- and it finally happened.

I guess now is compared to the calm after the storm. The storm being my complete mental and physical break down of last week and now to the calm: me re-evaluating every single aspect of my adventure through New York. I have made the executive decision to lower my standards about how my life should be after college. The standards I set for myself were so outrageous, no wonder I was unhappy. All I concentrated on was how much fun my other friends were having together in Chicago. It's a hard pill to swallow when facebook flaunts how all my girlfriends are going out together and continuing their friendships while I was alone with a few friends in a new, unfamiliar city. A few things learned from this: Facebook lies and pictures on Facebook lie. Just because my friends are together, does not mean they aren't having just as hard of a time as I am. My decision includes not worrying about how much fun everyone else is having, rather worry about how much fun I am having and push the limits of how well I can function on the least amount of sleep (not so much worry- wrong word to use- more so focus on). It also includes being in the now. I have always said that life happens in the now, not tomorrow, but never really practiced my preachings. Constantly I worry about what will happen next week, but this weekend started the new. The farthest I am going to allow my self to think about is the next few hours. I am going to begin to use this city as my real playground- as my backpacking site. Everyone use to go on backpacking trips to Europe after college. Since clearly I don't have to funds for that, I will substitute Italy with Little Italy and China with China Town. I will treat this city every second like its my first time, seeing everything and exploring everywhere.

Going along with this revelation of exploring, I really got into character for Halloween on Saturday night - Naturally and fitting, I went as a tourist, dressed head to toe in "I love New York" stuff. That night was the perfect start to my new approach to this city. I adventured to a new friends house party in Alphabet city, wandered to a bar, followed by a slice of pizza, rode the subway at 2:30 am, asked a random guy for a slice of his pizza (surprisingly he gave it to me) and ended up back at my friend's house in midtown. Every part of that night was unplanned- just went with the flow and ended up being amazing.

Lesson Learned:

Just as Nike says, Just do it. AND, there is room for a second chance New York.

Peace, Love and Tourists,

B