To be loved.

I guess this is the time of my life where real discovery happens. The point where I learn who I really am and what I really like. Also, this is the point of my life where I need to learn to compromise. Being together with someone else, being someone's girlfriend- means compromise, something I have never been good at.

For 22 years, I have never really had to make compromises with someone else- worry about someone else's needs and actually want to put someone else's needs before mine- until now. I am not stubborn, just have tendencies to like things the way I like them- cook with olive oil, use a specific kind of laundry detergent, sleep on a certain side of the bed, and watch certain late night talk shows. Maybe these little reasons are why I never let boys past a particular point in my life, because I didn't want to have to alter the way I went about daily life- until now.

This discovery happened 2 nights ago- over something simple: the type of milk to drink. My entire life I have drank skim milk. For health reasons- its less calories and fat, and taste reasons- yes it might taste like water, but I don't feel like I am drinking straight from the cows utter. Just a personal opinion. My boyfriend went to the store to pick up some things to make for dinner- he's a much better cook than I am and actually enjoys doing it (I do the dishes and he cooks, its a good trade off). He noticed that the milk I had in my refrigerator had expired and decided to pick some up (very thoughtful and amazing)- but since his entire life he has drank 2% milk and he knew I drank skim, he made the compromise and bought 1%. Now any normal girlfriend would find this very thoughtful and sweet and not make a deal out of it- but seeing as I am never really normal- I decided to go to the store and buy a little carton of skim milk just for me- without thinking anything of it. I figured, he will drink the 1% and I really only use it in coffee and tea, so what does it matter?

Well, it mattered- we can drink different milk, no big deal, but the point that I did not even consider compromising- only thought about myself made me realize that its not all about what I like anymore- I have to take what he likes into consideration.

Its a very comforting feeling that I am not alone- that someone takes the time to think about me before making decisions and has my best interest at heart- that I have someone else to care about instead of myself- this is the feeling that I have pushed away my entire life- the feeling of letting someone else in- letting someone else care and someone else know what I like and don't like. Its a freeing feeling, not to keep everything bottled up in side.

I guess this is what its like to be loved. Why I pushed this away for 22 years is beyond me, but now that I understand what it feels like, I understand- I just get it.

Lesson learned:

1% milk isn't half bad....

peace, love and compromise,

b